The Final Countdown

There’s less than a week til surgery day and I have definitely been growing more and more nervous. I had my preop appointment last week (blood work AOK) with my GP here in St. Louis. She asked me if I had any questions or concerns about having surgery; I told here I was more worried about afterwards, which she obviously knew nothing about. Now the surgery itself is making me nervous, specifically being nauseous from anesthesia. That’s something a lot of people who had the surgery on their feet mentioned. I’m glad that I’ve at least had my wisdom teeth out so I know what being put under is like. Of course, when I woke up from that procedure I was super loopy, spitting out my gauze, quoting Fight Club (specifically that you can swallow a pint of blood before getting sick). I then proceeded to buy a half dozen hideous nail polishes while my Mom picked up my pain meds. (I wonder if I’ll be able to paint my nails during the whole thing?) I hope I’ll be better behaved this time.

I’m super concerned that having that fixator stuck to me for so long will make me sad and restless. I’ve mainly been trying to just get in as much fun and think about the end result and how great that will be than actually worry about  a lot of unknowns. The woman who had the same procedure told me that she felt like she let her surgery define her too much, so I need to figure out how to not let that happen. If only I knew how to do that. I’m worried that with trying to cram lots of fun into the first parts of summer that I’ll miss everything all the more. I guess once I have more of an idea of the things I can’t do I’ll have to find things I can still do. Who knows, maybe it’ll even force me to try something new?

I applied for medical leave and short term disability. I’m not sure if I’ll need the latter at all because it really depend on my appointment schedule. It’s so many forms to fill out. Prudential basically wants to know what I do with every waking hour and even some non-waking ones. It seems really geared to someone who’s been suffering from a disability for a long time. Sure, I’ve been suffering for quite a long time, but I’m not sure how the surgery is going to affect my day to day life (the main source of my worrying), so if I can, I will wait to answer those questionnaires.

One thing that made me smile was when I told my GP about the procedure, she said that sounded painful (gee, thanks doc!) like in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets when Harry has to regrow all the bones in his arm. So I guess the real question is, will this whole procedure be worse than drinking Skele-Gro and if so, would it be easier to just go over to Diagon Alley than to fill out those disability forms?

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